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Americans are known throughout the world as people who do things spontaneously. One area we're always ready to "spontane" in is celebrating. It doesn't matter WHAT we're celebrating, we're ready to do it. This week we're looking at some of the more... interesting... holidays we have to look forward to each year, and how to tell them from the "real thing" -- those Federal Holidays that shut down the post office when you're trying to mail an important bill payment.

Celebrating is fun because it breaks our normal routine, and that includes what we wear when we're celebrating. Admit it, you like dressing up when you were a kid and playing make-believe. We still do it now that we're all grown up, so we can celebrate in style.

We can handle your every-day clothes and your celebration glad rags, so bring 'em on.

See you soon!

Jim Nixon

Celebrations Trivia Quiz

We have a lot of days that we "celebrate" each year on the local, state and national level. Which of the following are Federal holidays?

• Lincoln's Birthday
• Earth Day
• Mothers' Day
• Halloween

Answer: None of them! Actual "Federal Holidays" are ones that have been enacted by Congress. There are 10 each year. What are they -- and why aren't some of these among them? Read on!

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As much as we grumble about having to get "all dressed up" for a celebration, we enjoy it, too. We know we look our very best. This week, get ready for any celebration on your calendar. Have $10 in regular drycleaning done and get a suit (2 or 3 piece, men's or women's) drycleaned at half price. (Include first page of this newsletter with your order. Offer expires 3/15/05. Cannot be combined with other offers.)

A Plethora of Celebrations!

Open a calendar to any month and you?ll find holidays listed. Some are "national" holidays, others are traditional celebrations, and (depending on the calendar) some are downright crazy. How do these holidays get on the calendar in the first place?

All holidays are not created equal.

There are at least 7 different kinds of holidays you may encounter (and we?re not even going to touch international ones!) Each comes about in a different way.

• Federal Holidays -- There are 10 of them, and they are set by Congressional legislation. The states are not required to follow them, but most do. They are: Birthday of Martin Luther King Jr., Washington's Birthday (the more correct legal name for what has become "Presidents Day"), Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and New Year's Day. Other than MLK Day and the 4th of July, the others slide around on different dates each year and are usually relegated to a Monday "observance" for the convenience of the bean counters.
• State Holidays -- State legislators and governors can declare state holidays. These are taken under great consideration because of the economic ramifications of paying state workers for not working on those days.
• Local/Regional Holidays -- These generally have nothing to do with paid days off, and so are much more creative. Just about any elected official can get into the act and get a proclamation put forward to name a day in honor of something.
• Activist Holidays -- These usually have the most unwieldy names ("Week of Solidarity with Peoples Struggling Against Racism and Racial Discrimination" -- March 21-21) and are declared by various activists to bring attention to their issues.
• Health-Related Holidays -- Originally, these were "months" (American Heart Month, February) but over time they've also blossomed into "weeks" and "days" since there was too much duplication for each month among different health emphases. The idea is to have a rallying point each year to stir up media attention and remind the public to do whatever is needed to benefit their health in a particular area.
• Promotional Holidays -- Everything from "National Frozen Food Month" (March) to "National Iced Tea Month" (June). These are campaigns put together by manufacturers? public relations departments, trade associations and other similar groups to have a good advertising hook for a period of time and get people to buy more of their product. Some of these are quite humorous, and fun to participate in.
• Fun Holidays -- Let's face it, anybody can create a holiday. They make them "official" by getting some elected officer or organization to buy into declaring them, or by simply submitting them to one of the well-known Calendar publishers like Chase's annual Calendar of Events. After that, they get picked up and listed by all kinds of other calendars and the ball is rolling!

We know all about the first six categories, so letss delve into some of the great things we have to look forward to in coming months!

Month-by-Month Fun Celebrations

Here is a round-up of some of the more interesting celebrations each year. Mark ‘em down and join in the fun.

• January (something to look forward to next year!) is National Clean Up Your Computer Month (and it's never too late for that one.) In keeping with our desires to turn over new leaves each New Year, it's also National Get Organized Month, and includes Diet Resolution Week (1/1-7 --No need to go further than 7 days, since you'll be off the wagon by then.) Someday We'll Laugh About This Week is 1/3-7. International Hoof Care Week is 1/26-29. (Meaningful to some people - you know who you are.) The month also includes Fruitcake Toss Day (1/3), Penguin Awareness Day (1/15) and Answer Your Cat's Questions Day (1/22).

•  February seems to be guilt month - National Caffeine Addiction Awareness Month and Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month. It also includes Just Say No to Powerpoints Week (2/7-11 - don't we wish!) and Love Makes the World Go Round, but Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week (2/7-14). As if that weren't enough, you can celebrate Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbor Day (2/7), For the Love of Mike Day (2/22) and, of course, For Pete's Sake Day (2/26). 

• March always seems long, dark and cold as we wait for the blessings of Spring. So, it's no coincidence it's National On-Hold Month. Of course, while you're on hold, you can celebrate Play the Recorder Month. Librarians love it because we celebrate Return the Borrowed Books Week (3/1-7), but that week is backstopped with National Procrastination Week (3/7-13). National Bubble Blowers Week (3/20-26) shows our increasing confidence that Spring is just around the corner. Days to mark down for special attention: What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day (3/3), Panic Day (3/9, and one of our favorites), Middle Name Pride Day (3/11, for all those with loony middle monikers), National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day (3/13), Awkward Moments Day (3/18), International Goof-off Day (3/22), Make Up Your Own Holiday Day (3/26) and the ever-popular Bunsen Burner Day (3/31). 

• April is when we all get Spring Fever and begin to take life less seriously. How else can we account for International Daffynitions Month and International Twit Award Month? It's also Straw Hat Month and Tackle Your Clutter Month (maybe put some of the clutter on the hat....) The last week of the month is a gangbuster of celebration, embracing National Karaoke Week, Sky Awareness Week (yup, it's still there!) and National Scoop the Poop Week (all 4/24-30). Everybody needs a day, and on April 1 it's Hospital Admitting Clerks Day. Other days for the month are National Workplace Napping Day (4/4), No Housework Day (4/7 - thanks, but you don't need to declare a day for THAT to happen), Take a Wild Guess Day (4/15), National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day (4/16), Blah, Blah, Blah Day (4/17), Hug an Australian Day (4/26 - OK, Aussie came up with that one?), Richter Scale Day (4/26) and National Hairball Awareness Day (4/29 - gag-gag!) 

• May is a time to get back on track with Get Caught Reading Month, National Correct Posture Month, and National Good Car Keeping Month. But we can loosen up with Eat Dessert First Week (5/1-7), National New Friends, Old Friends Week (5/15-21) and National Dog Bite Prevention Week (5/15-21). The grab-bag of days includes Roberts Rule of Order Day (5/2, we'll second that), Lumpy Rug Day (5/3), No Diet Day (5/6), Do Dah Day (5/7), Blame Someone Else Day (5/13), World Turtle Day (5/23) and Great American Grump Out Day (5/25). 

• June is a month with something for everyone. It's both Dairy Month and No Dairy Month (not sure what that leaves). We also celebrate National Hermit Week at the same time as Meet A Mate Week (6/13-20). If that leaves you in a quandry, just celebrate Watermelon Thump Week (6/23-26). Flat out wacky days begin with Yell "Fudge" at the Cobras in North America Day (6/2 - are there any?), Hug Your Cat Day (6/3), Dog Appreciation Day/Give Your Dog a Bone Day (6/4), Upsy Daisy Day (6/8), Recess at Work Day (6/16 - where's the monkey bars?), World Sauntering Day (6/19), Take Your Dog to Work Day (6/24), and Please Take My Children to Work Day (6/27).

• July brings in the dog days of summer, so it's appropriate we celebrate National Doghouse Repairs Month (and equally interesting that 7/18 is National Get Out of the Doghouse Day.) Someone was feeling a bit beaten down and created Be Nice to New Jersey Week (7/3-10). Enjoy Cherry Pit Spitting Day (7/2), Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day (7/6), Don't Step on a Bee Day (7/10), Toss Away the "Could Haves" and "Should Haves" Day (7/16) and (but not at the same time!) Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day and Walk on Stilts Day (both 7/27).

• August is when parents heave a sigh of relief as the kids go back to school. Is it any coincidence it's also Happiness Happens Month? Special days run the gamut from National Pretty Is As Pretty Does Day (8/2) to Work Like A Dog Day (8/5) which is immediately followed by National Pamper Yourself Day (8/6). For the postally-challenged, there's Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day (8/7). A very popular one is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night (8/8). We all get into the back-to-school mood with National Punctuation Day (8/22), and wind up the month with a hilarious day: Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day and also Crackers Over the Keyboard Day (both on 8/28).

• September is chock-full of serious observances, but it's also Subliminal Communications Month (which must not be working, since all the other campaigns are necessary.) Bald is Beautiful Days are 9/9-11. National Love Your Files Week is 9/19-28 (OK, as long as that doesn't include putting them in drawers.) Tardy? It's OK on Be Late for Something Day (9/5). We've also got Google Commemoration Day (9/7), Fortune Cookie Day (9/13), Someday (9/15 - it had to happen eventually!), Time's Up Day (9/17) and Pause the World Day (9/21 - they don't dare stop it entirely, or a lot of us would get off.)

• October brings the crisp fall air and we're to Celebrate Sun Dried Tomatoes all month. Unrelated (we're sure) is National Toilet Tank Repair Month. Go nuts over Squirrel Appreciation Week (10/2-8), National Metric Week (10/9-15 - then you can forget it again for a year), and Getting the World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week (10/16-22). A bit early, in our opinion, is Scare a Friend Day (10/1). Take out your aggressions on National Kick Butt Day (10/10). Two days later, it's International Moment of Frustration Scream Day - but also National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work & School Day, so you won't feel so bad. We wind up the month with TV Talk Show Host Day (10/23), Cranky Co-Workers Day (10/27), Ugly Pickup Truck Day (10/28), Create A Great Funeral Day (10/30) and Haunted Refrigerator Night (10/30 - clean it out more often, will ya?)

• November comes and our thoughts turn to Thanksgiving, but why not try something new with National Fun with Fondue Month. You can also exercise your Constitutional right with Pursuit of Happiness Week (11/8-14). After planning your funeral in October, go on to Plan Your Epitaph Day (11/2). Shake up the household on Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day (11/8). For the grumpy, there's Have a Bad Day Day (11/19). For geeks it's Name Your PC Day (11/20). And on the day after Thanksgiving, why not fool the economic gurus with Buy Nothing Day (11/25). It's also Flossing Day - which you'll have plenty of time for if you're not at the mall with everyone else.

• December (and not June, with Father's Day) is National Tie Month. Lots of long, slim packages under the tree.... 12/1-7 is Cookie Cutter Week. The last week of the year is It's About Time Week. (Time for what, we're not sure.) Brighten up an already busy month with National Pawnbrokers Day (12/6), Cliche Day (12/13), Barbie and Barney Backlash Day (12/16), Humbug Day (12/21), National Whiners' Day (12/26) and, as a last gasp in the year, Make Up Your Mind Day (12/31).
  

Just remember, no matter what holiday you celebrate,
you'll look your best in professionally finished garments.
Happy Celebrations!

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Links for laughs:

For more calendars and interesting related sites, check these out:

• Brownie Locks -- an enormous list of verified "holidays" that's great for promotional planning or just having fun.
• Federal Holidays -- The Office of Personnel Management, with a list of holidays mandated by Federal law for federal employees, and the picky details that define the whole thing.
• Patriotic and National Observances -- a complete list, with legal citations. Actually pretty interesting.
• How do they project out calendars? There are algorithms behind it, and if you just HAVE to know the math involved, here's your site.

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